Improving your communication skills can improve all aspects of your life, whether it's at school, or home. It can help deepen the connections you already have with your friends, partners, roommates and colleagues while helping with conflict resolution too. Most importantly, it will deepen your relationship with yourself. Being able to communicate effectively allows you to take ownership of your experience, get your needs met, and set healthy boundaries without projecting your experience onto another.
Here are some simple guidelines to get you started.
Step 1: Use "I" Statements
DO:
I need help with...
I would like to talk...
DON'T
We should talk...
You need to help me!
Consider what the need is behind your statement.
Examples:
Why did you go out to dinner without me?!
vs. When you went to dinner without me, I felt hurt and left out.
Step 2: Co-Listening
DO:
Set a timer to listen first
Hold space with non-judgmental awareness
Redirect your attention back to their voice when you're distracted
Switch roles
DON'T
Fix or try to solve problems
Interrupt
Nod in agreement or respond
Step 3: Reflective Listening
DO:
Start by co-listening (same concepts apply)
Hold space
Summarize what you heard when they're finished using "I statements"
Make eye contact
Confirm what you reflected back was accurate
Follow-up with "Did I miss anything?"
Switch roles
Step 4: Acknowledgement / Empowering Feedback
DO:
Use what you learned above and acknowledge the other persons feelings and experience
Hold space with non-judgmental awareness
State what you needed, felt or appreciated using I statements
When you...
I experienced...
I felt like...
I appreciated...
Example:
You're always interrupting me! vs. When you interrupt me while I'm speaking it makes me feel like you don't respect my opinion or that your idea is more important than mine. What I needed was for you to listen before responding. I would love to hear your ideas when I'm done.
If you continue to interrupt, I will wait to have a conversation with you when you're ready. (setting healthy boundary)
Where can you start using this today?